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Deep in a natural enclosure or graduate on a mountain, in Pakistan or Afghanistan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan or, maybe, sunning on the French Riviera, is a enraged Osama bin Laden.

"Infidels!" he screamed to his officer.

"Yes," aforesaid the Aide reassuringly, "that is genuinely what the Great Satan is."

"How dare them!" stammered the moneyman and innovator of al-Qaeda.

"What is it this time?" asked the Aide. "Did they appropriation one of our cardinal excellent and empyrean deputy sheriff leaders? Did they trim the terror campaign after-school of Baghdad?"

"Worse! They ready-made Bush Number 1!" He looked direct at his Aide. "Do you cognise how sorry that is?!"

"I do not understand, Oh Great and Wonderful Courier of Absolute Wisdom."

"Bush!" aforementioned bin Laden, noisy out the word. "He's the utmost detested man in America." The Aide tried his cream of the crop to hold a laugh, but a snigger vanished his dry orifice. "Do not pour scorn on me, you son of a artiodactyl mammal driver," aforesaid bin Laden who turned his computing device projection screen to his Aide. "There!" he commanded. "Seek content through your own persuasion." And there, previously the Aide was the latest AP-AOL survey. One-fourth of all Americans asserted that George W. Bush is the Biggest Villain of 2006. Osama bin Laden was far behind, next to just 8 percentage of the survey. "Four present time worsened than me!" said bin Laden, virtually choking on his oral communication.

"But, Oh Mighty Force For Dissolving the Social Order, you have launched wars. You have brought around terror. You have disregarded quality rights and cut the handwritten torah of more than than two centuries. You alone have given new interpretations to our Holy Book."

"And so has that Sand Flea Upon a Camel's Ass," aforesaid bin Laden, "and he's done it cardinal modern world a cut above."

"But you have been able to do it lacking a constrict army unit regurgitating your half-truths. You know how the media e'er expand someone's assessment." It didn't aid.

"I was erstwhile the maximum wanted man in the world," aforesaid bin Laden. That Dung Beetle on the Droppings from a Bloated Goat put 10,000 of his force into Afghanistan. He same he'd hunt me behind and bring out me earlier his occultist trials." Bin Laden wiped a trivial tear. "But later he denatured his mind, put his own weaponry of mass devastation into Iraq and forgot roughly me. It's as if I don't substance."

"Please do not cry," aforesaid the Aide, "by offensive Iraq, he gaping a new parkland where you could release your terror!"

"Bush! It's ever Bush! You don't dream up I could have away into Iraq if I longed-for to, killed Saddam, and ready-made the global sheltered for terrorist act minus Bush?! Is that what you think?"

"Never in a cardinal years, Almighty Benefactor of the Weak and Poor. I would never attack you. Please don't murder me. Saddam unbroken you out, but solitary because you allowed it. If you wanted to go to Iraq, you would have away in attendance bimestrial formerly the Great Satan welcome our empyreal modification to do battle, and we would have been the prime to knock down the 3,000 twelvemonth mores of that rural area."

"Praise Allah! Allah is with us! Allah Bless al-Qaeda!"

"That's the spirit," said the Aide. Here's even superior information. The American With the Constant Smirk is too the best praised American."

"Do you pinch me for a fool!?" thundered bin Laden. "I can read and study statistics greater than that Fool of a Mixed Malaprop. Only 13 pct of Americans say he's the Biggest Hero of 2006. That's lone fractional of all who say he's the Biggest Villain."

"That shows you how idiotic those Americans are," aforesaid the Aide. "He creates a war-and that is good-but he stays bringing up the rear the battle, similar to he ever has done, and time his military personnel are perspiring and dying, spell they're ingestion condensed sand, he's in an cool subverter in Texas and eating barbequed sorrowful doves, which he basically killed."

"He's even finer than me at butchery fowl of peace," aforesaid a lugubrious bin Laden.

"Mighty one, you have shown your impetus to thin the littlest of sparrows, as Allah has so ordered, patch propulsion a warfare in opposition the heretics."

"That is actual. And I should not forget that those insane Americans not lonesome ready-made their workers, the soldiers of the desert, lonesome the Number 2 Heroes, they . set Oprah as the 3rd Biggest Hero!"

"That's the spirit, oh Wise and Noble Warrior. The Americans are nothing if not knee-deep."

Bin Laden once again looked at his Aide, a smiling appear. "Bush may have helped kind the international safe and sound for terrorism, but in two years, he will no long be President, and I will again find the symbol of someone the Worst Villain. Prepare for my enthronement."